What is this?

It’s the last day of the 2016 Olympic Games and I am working at the boxing finals and then tonight I’ve got tickets to the Closing Ceremony at the world famous Maracana Stadium. Yessssss what a time to be alive!

I’m feeling a little hungover today but nothing I can’t handle or work with. Before I went to a party last night I came out of the shower and while I was drying myself, I caught my balls with my towel and it completely knocked the wind out of me. The pain was something else, I was stood folded over holding onto the bed and breathing heavily. It was like being in primary school again when my childhood best friend Shaun Groves kicked me in the balls for the first time. I got dressed and made it to the bar where all the men were shouting Cagado (tortoise) at me for being late. I asked my colleagues Mark and John if they had ever winded themselves while getting out the shower? In true men style they shot me down for being such a fairy and I should man up and drink quicker. I obliged and drank the pain away.

This morning everyone in the Olympic staff apartments are struggling with hangovers and sore heads. Not me, I can handle a hangover with ease, I’ve done this too many times. The Olympic apartments are like living in University dorms with people having parties every night after work. My friend Colin came to my room in the morning before we would go to work like normal. I got out the shower and was talking to him when all of a sudden I had the most excruciating pain in my left side, my back and had to fall to the floor. It felt like I had been stabbed with a knife. “Holy shit!, my back, my side, my stomach, shit, what the fuck is this?”

I led down flat on the cold concrete floor trying not to move an inch of my body, I’m clutching my side and convinced my appendix has just burst and I am in serious trouble. I had just got out the shower and rather than feeling fresh and ready to take on the day I thought I had been stabbed in the back and the knife was coming out my stomach. I have no idea what this could be but this is not a hangover from last night.

I couldn’t move and had to lay on the ground for ten minutes. Colin suggested I stay at home but I insisted I wanted to be at the boxing finals of the Olympic Games. Not just due to my work commitments, but because every nation had a team doctor and one of them must be able to see me. I downed more than a handful of painkillers and was on my way to the stadium.

Working in an Olympic games environment, you meet lots of different people from across the world and some you become great friends with. I’ve become mates with a lady named Becs who is the team manager of GB boxing and we have spent time together in many different countries. We have the same sense of humour and are constantly laughing with each other. I told her the night before that my ball had been painful and she is now referring to my left testicle as a nasty man named Jose.

I text Becs and asked if the Team GB doctor will see me but he won’t agree to it and sent me to the polyclinic in the athletes village. The polyclinic is where all the Olympic athletes have to go for any medical issues. There were all sorts of athletes in there getting treated for different problems, including the French gymnast Samir Ait Said who had recently broken his leg in a terrible accident a couple of days into the competition. The video of his leg break went viral on Youtube and now he was sat in a wheelchair next to me while I was about to get checked over. While I was doing urine tests and examinations at the clinic I missing the boxing gold medal matches that were going on.

I sat waiting in the clinic with Olympic athletes wondering what this could be? The back pain is exactly where my kidneys are so i’m convinced that I’m just dehydrated and been drinking too many beers. I need a few nights off the alcohol that’s for sure, but it’s the last night of the games and then i’ll have some time off. In June I posted on Facebook that I was coming to Rio for the Olympic Games and my mate Marcus commented saying “Good Luck catching Zika virus”. Maybe It’s Zika?

The nurse sent me to do a urine test in an area of the clinic that had no power or lights so I had to use the torch on my phone. I couldn’t see the pot where I was supposed to be peeing but I think I caught most of it. When I returned and spoke with the nurse she asked about my sex life and could she speak with my girlfriend. The nurse phoned Lais this Brazilian girl that I have been seeing for the last 3 months and she explained that I had a urine infection and would give me an injection in my bum and then two tablets to stop me being dehydrated.

I was bent over in a Brazilian clinic with my pants down and I’ve never felt pain like it. It was like a horse had kicked me in the arse. I walked very delicately back to the boxing venue and walked past the USA team where Billy Walsh the head coach asked if I was ok. I had to say in front of the whole USA boxing team that I had just had an injection in my arse and that is why I’m walking like I’ve shit my pants. I got back just as Nicola Adams won her second consecutive Gold and managed to be the first person to get a selfie with her shiny new Gold Medal.

 

 

 

The drugs started working and I was feeling better. The doctors at the boxing said another 2 or 3 days of drinking plenty of water I will feel right again. Perfect, I’ll just ride this out for a few days and I’ll be on my travels in no time, Iguazu Falls here I come!

But first it’s the last night of the 2016 Olympic Games and I have a hospitality ticket for the closing ceremony. Free Beer!

I went to the ceremony with Colin and two Japanese men that are working for Tokyo 2020, maybe I can get a job there? Even though I’m sick it’s the last night of these historical games and it’s free beer at the stadium. We all got drunk and left before the ceremony ended to go to Team USA HQ to party with all the USA athletes. They were glad to see me walking normal again since the injection had worn off from when they saw me in the day.

Life is amazing, tomorrow I am moving to a new apartment across the road from post 5 on Copacabana beach with my friend Ed.

I’ve got money in my bank, an apartment in Copacabana for 3 weeks, Brazilian girlfriend, living with my mate, parties to go to and then i’m going to travel South America. Wow I am blessed, can it really get any better than this?